The bittersweet comfort of reminiscence…

I used to walk my own way to school.
Kicking at the stones and feeling strong.
That was when the world seemed my own.
Didn’t have to fear the unknown!

Now my life is changing so much.
I’m wondering if I’m losing my hold,
Of things that seemed so real they bit.
Now I’m so afraid I might slip

Completely without a clue
Trying to find my way back to you
Desperately gasping for air
Submerged in this chaos
You will be there

These are the lyrics to a song written by a friend called Evan Davies back in ’99-’01. I found myself singing this song yesterday while I sat in my room tinkering with my guitar as I sat on my bed. It brought back bittersweet memories of sitting in my lounge at the Clyde St flat, in Hamilton, New Zealand, singing this song with Toia Chase and Angela Clarke (now Hobden).

Life seemed so much simpler then. I was barely out of high school and just beginning my journey into adulthood. I remember at the tender age of 19, that I felt so grown up and independent. Little did I know, life was going to throw me several curves over the next 5-6 years. Some of those curves would ultimately redefine who I was and inform who I was to become.

Why this song popped in to my head last night, I don’t know. But, I’m thankful for the moments of simplicity I got to share with some good friends. Moments that I treasure to this day, over a decade later.

Many people will hear certain songs and remember moments of significance. What they were doing when they first heard the song. Where they were going. Me, I tend to remember people, before moments.

Music has always been an intrinsic part of my life. Sadly, the last 7 years or so, the music in my head has gone somewhat quiet. But, as I sat on my unmade bed last night, singing a song I hadn’t heard in almost 15 years, I could still hear the harmonies Toia and Ange would sing over the top of the melody I was singing.  I remember how tightly interwoven it all was. I remember just closing my eyes and letting the moment just wash over me, completely lost in the music. Life couldn’t have got any simpler. Me, a guitar and two good friends.

Today, I listen to my children march around the house singing kids songs they’ve heard on TV at the top of their lungs, much like their father and his sister’s used to do, some 25-30 years before them. I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever get to create a moment like that with them. Singing full three-part harmonies, with a guitar in my hand and my children beside me in full voice.

I sure hope so.

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