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Appreciate your spouse!

This evening as was scrolling through my Facebook feed, I came across the following video that had been shared by a friend of mine.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=775351272482696

The video is a young woman outlining the needs of a stay-at-home mum and why men need to appreciate their women.

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t envy the job of a stay-at-home, or solo mum. Only a fool would deny it is an endless and thankless job. I take my hat of to all the women, like your mum and mine, that did just that and sacrificed so we could enjoy a childhood.

That said, the whole appreciation deal is a two-way street.

As men, we are often tasked with the duty of making the ends meet. Many men work long hours at jobs they hate for almost no money. Many of these men don’t get to spend much of that money on anything but bills. I know that I personally feel like I’m working only to pay bills. It seems like there is too much month and not enough money.

Just recently, my wife and I had a huge falling out and the crux of the problem was neither of us felt the other appreciated for what we brought to the household and the marriage. A total collapse in marital communication. Plain and simple.

Women need their men to appreciate the little things they do for them. Men need the same thing from their women. Acknowledgement that the daily struggle of working a menial job is not easy and some appreciation that they do it anyway. These are the men that do what they must for their family. They make the sacrifices that need to be made because they understand they have responsibilities to be filled.

For us, this is a huge expression of our love and commitment to you and our children. I cannot overstate the fact that many men truly hate their jobs! Yet, they continue to get up everyday. Put their pants on, one leg at a time and out the door at the butt crack of dawn to work 10 hour day for minimum wage.

Too often this is brushed off with the notion of

“That’s what you’re supposed to do. You’re the man!”

Well, the same argument could be used when addressing women and housework and child raising. Too often that line of reason is fine when handed down from women to men. But, if men use the same argument, we’re misogynists. How is that fair? It’s not, but life and indeed marriage isn’t about what’s fair. It’s about what’s right!

I read an article not so long ago that eloquently summed up the notion that marriage isn’t about things being fair. It’s not even about give and take. It’s about serving your partner. Showing them you love them by doing the little things not because you have to, but because you want to. Something I’m trying to put in to practice in my own life. (It’s a work in progress, okay!)

The traditional gender roles are pretty well dissolved. Men are much more involved in the raising of their children today than they were 50 years ago. That said, the lion’s share of the task of raising the children and tending to the home goes to the women in the relationship.

Both sides tend to look at the other and think it must be nice to be able to do that. That looks easy. The truth is, neither side is easy. Neither side is fun. The marriages that seem to really work are the ones where communication is constant. Reflective thought for each other and a constant expression of their love and appreciation of each other.

The young woman in the video at the top of this post so eloquently and beautifully articulated the female perspective and I completely understand and appreciate her perspective. Many men need to hear that. But, I also feel many women need to hear the other side of that tale.

Your men need to feel appreciated and loved as well. Men are not the emotional rocks they often allow themselves to be seen as. We have feelings. We have fears, anxieties, body issues. We have many of the same concerns women have, we just deal with them differently.  Just like you need us to encourage you, and tell you your beautiful and loved, we need you to encourage us and tell us we aren’t doing this for nothing and everything we do is appreciated.

Men, we need to be much more deliberate in our expression of our appreciation for the things our wives/partners do around the house while we are at work. Whether we work an office job earning big money, or work a minimum wage job, we need to appreciate all the balls our wives have to keep in the air, while we get to focus on just one – don’t get fired! LOL! A lesson I recently learned and one I intend to keep close to my heart for the rest of my life.

Women, you need to be more deliberate in your expression of your appreciation for the things your men do to provide for you and your children.

Any significant relationship has to be a constant feedback loop. The type of feedback, or lack thereof, will ultimately determine the strength and quality of the relationship.

A little something to think about.